Frame d'Art

Snow Day

2009-01-29T15:05:00.004-05:00

We've had a lot of snow lately and that generally means a lot of cancellations posted on TV ticker tapes. Since I'm sure staffers are faced with a barrage of phone calls and the constant pressure to update, these listings are goldmines of unintended verbal vagaries. Our favorites are below.

Church of the Zazarene: No services
IRS: No AM kindergarten
Meals of Wheels: Cancelled

More to follow, I'm sure.

New words we just can't get behind

2009-01-08T14:13:00.001-05:00

mangialicious

freshalicious

pizziola

temptalicious

Reader Suggestion

2008-12-12T12:35:00.000-05:00

One of our readers recently brought a new sign to our attention. She encountered this sign at a local grocery store and it reads "No BUTS." In this case, BUTS stands for "Blocking Underage Tobacco Sales.

Let's all breathe a sign of relief on this one. No teenager should be denied the chance to purchase cigarettes.

Honest Abe's Cousin, Honest Art

2008-11-25T13:42:00.003-05:00

(spotted in a Boston T stop)

That sinking feeling...

2008-11-21T12:17:00.004-05:00

Sam and I heard a story on the morning news about an impossibly grand, $1.5 billion new resort in Dubai. It's on a palm-tree-shaped island, which has been constructed out of fill and other stuff. To begin with, this seems like a bad idea given the potentially unstable nature of the new island. Furthermore, when rising sea levels are brought into the occasion, it seems like an even poorer idea.

So, why, in an effort to market the resort and encourage visitors to frequent it, would they consider naming it Atlantis?

Do the rooms come with complimentary life boats?

Teatime

2008-11-05T09:44:00.003-05:00

All this in one cup of green tea!

Local resourcefulness

2008-10-21T12:54:00.000-04:00

The other day, I saw a man on the street. He looked like he might have been a little down on his luck, but he was seemingly making the best of it in a very creative way. He had pulled up a large chunk of concrete from a low fence that ran along the side of the road and was using it to do an intense set of lat pulls. Streetside bodybuilding! Who needs a gym membership anyway?

Unsustainable Sustainability

2008-10-17T09:18:00.001-04:00

While we admire their commitment to conserving energy, they may want to reconsider their business model.

Extra, extra!

2008-10-14T09:14:00.003-04:00

Well, they had to expect some conflict on this one.

Ellected Offficialls

2008-09-27T13:44:00.003-04:00

Follow these simple steps.

2008-07-31T09:13:00.001-04:00

In case of emergency, don't forget to stop and read the instructions.

Good Self-Esteem

2008-07-19T13:55:00.002-04:00

So am I!

I found this

2008-07-14T19:52:00.003-04:00

Anonymous, Untitled, c. July 2008.

Marker on paper, 9 5/8" x 7 1/4"

Private Collection

Hello Darlin'

2008-07-10T20:33:00.002-04:00

Nice to see ya...it's been a long time.

Graffiti Planning

2008-07-04T09:56:00.002-04:00

One of the last times we were in Cambridge, Katie and I passed a truck for a drilling company called New Hampshire Boring. This got us thinking about how easy it would be to vandalize this truck with a simple colon to instigate an interstate rivalry:

New Hampshire: Boring

Other examples of punctuational subversion to follow. Feel free to contribute your own.

It's an honor just to be nominated...

2008-06-16T13:25:00.003-04:00

This just in: A local paper goods shop has recently been voted "Best Stationary Store" in town. It says so on a sign in their window.

Gosh, think about the competition! They won against nearly every other store in town, except for the hot dog cart and the ice cream truck.

If Jonathan Safran Foer weren't an author...

2008-04-27T10:55:00.005-04:00

...he might open one of the following:

Everything is Ill-laminated--a poor quality copy shop
Everything is Aluminum--a recycler's paradise
Everything is Alumni Aided--a college development office
Everything is Lamb, and Native--a local mutton farm
Everything is Loomed in Natick--a weaving studio on Boston's South Shore

More Art Movements that Should Have Been

2008-03-25T11:30:00.003-04:00

Cymbalism (just picture it!)
Back to the Futurism
Pop T'Art
Constructivist Criticism

Sign Language

2008-03-10T10:29:00.001-04:00

Truth in Labelling

2008-02-23T10:11:00.004-05:00

I ordered a huge hardcover art history textbook online the other day. It must weigh about 10 pounds, but it arrived in a box labelled "Fragile, Do Not Bend."

Niche Marketing

2008-02-14T17:22:00.004-05:00

In case that's unclear, Wyndham welcomes Overindulged Children and Conduct Disorder.

It's about time hotels stopped discriminating against spoiled kids with rotten behavior.

Raise the!

2008-02-07T13:45:00.001-05:00

There is a bus driving around sporting a bank ad on its side that reads: Portland, a great place to raise kids.

It got us thinking that Portland is a great place to raise lots of other things, like:

Your voice
The roof
Your hand
An objection
Crops
Standards
Expectations
Hell
Money

Your art was the prettiest art of all the art

2008-01-27T11:17:00.001-05:00

First, we are pleased to acknowledge that Frame d'Art has settled its differences with the Sam and Katie Writers' Guild, allowing us once again to bring you quality blogging.

We recently visited "Bright Common Spikes," a new exhibition of sculptor John Bisbee's work at the Portland Museum of Art. It is a brilliant show. Despite our full enjoyment of Bisbee's meticulous, texturally rich compositions of industrial materials (nails, brads, spikes, barbed wire, and electrical conduit in weighty quantities) to create the absorbing sculpture on view, the social experience of the show, however, was quite stressful. The number of fellow visitors overcome by the easy temptation to touch the works made us believe that many of the patrons would have been more at home in the Children's Museum next door. We heard guard after guard chastise wayward visitors and their wandering hands, warning them not to touch, rearrange, or tread on the artworks. The offenders' lame excuses ("I just couldn't help it" and "[blank stare]") angered us, not because we feared for the safety of the sculptures, which are admittedly of industrial strength, but because these statements evince a blatant disregard for museum etiquette. And, hey, if they can touch, why can't we?!

Inventions that might be useful, part 1

2007-11-05T12:07:00.000-05:00

The Pajameter

A cousin of the conventional pedometer, the pajameter is a nocturnal version of the device with several specialized applications. It is either attached or, in some cases, built right into the fabric of the pajamas, allowing users to track the distance they cover in one night of tossing and turning. The pajameter is also an essential tool for somnambulists who wish to incorporate their nightly wanderings into their daily (or nightly) exercise regimen. If you are unsure about your sleepwalking habits, the pajameter is the ideal device to help you determine if, and how far, you sleepwalk each night.

Suggested Names for Cruise Ships

2007-10-20T23:15:00.001-04:00

HMS Dysentery
Carnival Sideshow
Chicken Coop of the Sea
Float-tel 6

The Environment

2007-10-15T13:41:00.000-04:00

Happy Blog Action Day, everyone! This is an international day when bloggers write about the same issue. The topic for today is the environment, which is something that Sam and I think and talk about on a daily basis. We also do things, like:

Walk as many places as we possibly can
Buy local veggies and meat
Recycle
Wear sweaters (and knit them ourselves, or myself)
Hiss at cruise ships, frequent flyers, and Hummers (particularly Hummers)
Investigate electric and alternative-fuel cars even though we can't afford them yet
Conserve water and energy
Eschew air conditioning in Maine summers
Reuse anything
Live small and well

We do all these things everyday, or most days, and I'd like to think that more and more people are doing likewise. But, sometimes, I'm not so sure. We just spent some time in Acadia, where there were seemingly legions of tourists driving through the park in SUVs and buses and campers in order to experience the place through their windshield. It didn't seem like many actually got out of their vehicles but, for some of those who did, it was a mere pitstop for a snapshot with the bus idling in the background. Depressing, really.

We did get out of our car (an efficient Jetta), though, and had a great morning hike away from the picture-taking tourists, who dissipate only a few steps along the trail. It was great! You should try it, too. And try some actions on our list: they're fun, sometimes tasty, and always worthwhile.

Art Movements That Should Have Been, or May Yet Be

2007-10-12T15:20:00.001-04:00

Neon-Classical
Faketorian
Geek Revival
Da-da-da-ism
Repressionism
Saturday Evening Post-Impressionism
Abstract Depressionism
Rubik's Cubism
Phlegmish Painting
Manfred Mannerism

Honeymoon Postcard

2007-10-08T20:55:00.000-04:00

Beep, beep: we're married!

Dating Tips

2007-09-24T09:32:00.001-04:00

Words not to use when trying to impress girls:

doppelganger
mysticism
secret powers
screenplay
wizard

Based on actual conversations.

Pirate Movie Mutiny

2007-09-19T09:04:00.001-04:00

Here be a list, recountin' our top five favorite pirate movies. Courtesy of the Cap'n and me.

Haakon Haakonsen (Norwegian: Shipwrecked)
Swiss Family Robinson
Hook
Muppet Treasure Island
Cutthroat Island

Other, more unorthodox selections of the space pirate variety include:

Time Bandits
Treasure Planet
The Ice Pirates

And maybe even The Princess Bride.

Word Origin

2007-09-13T15:11:00.000-04:00

Sam and I have coined a new word:

MONVERSATION, noun, (mon-ver-SAY-shen): An instance of verbal interaction in which several participants are involved in listening to the commentary of one, under the guise of friendly group banter.

Go ahead and try it; we think you'll find it's quite a useful term. Extra credit will be awarded to those who leave comments using this word in a sentence or to those who bring it back to us in true conversation.

Case for Support

2007-09-09T15:31:00.000-04:00

Dear Readers,

Katie and I usually use this forum for witty observations, but this time, we'd like to talk to you about two organizations that could really use your support.
We're all concerned about the climate, and I'd like to encourage you to support Sub Arctic Mammals United for Environmental Legislation.
Katie has been putting a lot of thought into global security as it impacts Maine, and would like you to support the Kennebec Anti-Terrorism Intelligence Executive.

So that's it. Please look into these two worthy causes, and if you have any donations you'd like to offer to either of these organizations (K.A.T.I.E. or S.A.M.U.E.L.) we'd be more than happy to handle them for you.

(This idea was invented by Katie's brother Eric and brought to you by the Enfield-Rogers Intensive Care fund)

Green Graffito

2007-09-05T14:57:00.001-04:00

A while back, I spotted a billboard that had been efficiently edited by a green graffiti artist. It originally read: "Jeep: The original dirty four-letter word." But, someone had drawn a line through "Jeep" and replaced it with "Smog."

Kitchen Utensilhands

2007-08-27T09:56:00.000-04:00

My brother recently posed an intriguing challenge:

If you could choose any two kitchen utensils (or small appliances) to replace your hands, a la Edward Scissorhands, which ones would you pick?

My favorite answer was dual corn-cob holders, but other combinations of deep fryer/colander, tongs/whisk, and meat tenderizer/spatula seem useful as well. I also favor the one-two punch of the garlic press and melon baller. Any thoughts?

Bird Brain Redux

2007-08-23T11:41:00.000-04:00

The rest of our avian insults:

Brown Booby
Bushtit
American Coot
Creeper
Lesser Prairie Chicken
Magnificent Frigatebird
Worm-eating Warbler

Bird Brain

2007-08-19T09:59:00.000-04:00

Top three best bird-name insults:

Bufflehead
Hairy Woodpecker
Yellow-Bellied Sap Sucker

Movie Rules

2007-08-17T10:54:00.000-04:00

I read Number 9 Dream by David Mitchell a while back. On page 329, one of the characters discusses his two essential laws of cinema:

"Any movie with a title ending in -ator is guaranteed to be drivel" and "the quality of any movie is in inverse proportion to the number of helicopters it features."

I am in total agreement with the first statement, but, as I do not often watch helicopter movies, I am not qualified to assess the second law. I do, however, want to put forth a few other cinematic rules which I have tested over the course of many hours of theatre-going and DVD-viewing.

1. Pirate movies are inherently cooler than cowboy movies, but ninjas and/or samurai trump both. (Thanks to my brother and cousin for this one.)

2. In trilogies, the second movie is always best.

3. Movies featuring NASCAR and golf are always to be avoided. I should have remembered this myself before several highly disappointing trips to the theater.

4. The enjoyment of choosing a DVD to rent is the product of the day of the week multiplied by the time of day, to the power of the number of choices available. So, lots of options on a Friday evening=rental misery.

Any other suggestions?

God, the Devil, or Wyatt Earp?

2007-08-16T07:45:00.000-04:00

Katie and I have invented a game. The game comes from the observation that all actors would be appropriately cast in only one of the above roles: God, the Devil, or Wyatt Earp.

Game Specs.

The game is suitable for 1 or more players, requires no special equipment, and is suitable for ages 5 and up. No special rules required for the travel edition.

Game Play

The game is played like this: one person (the questioner) says the name of an actor. The other players then declare which of the three roles the actor fits into. The order of declaration isn't important, except that the questioner must be the last player to declare. To give some easy examples, if I said "Ian McKellan" you would respond "God". If I said "Joe Pesci" you'd say "The Devil" and if I said "Sam Shepard" you would say "Wyatt Earp". You'll find that generally, a concensus is reached quite easily. In the rare occasion of a disagreement among the players, any player may demand a justification of any other player's declaration. Any player of whom a justification is demanded must respond with a logical reasoning for their declaration.

Special Situation: The Comic Qualifier

Once you've tried a few rounds, you will discover a special situation called the "comic qualifier". In certain occasions, an actor is clearly inappropriate for a serious performance of any of the three roles. However, in all cases, it will be clear that that actor would be appropriate for a comedic performance of only one of the three. For example, Hulk Hogan is a comic god, Billy Crystal is a comic devil, and Jackie Chan is a comic Wyatt Earp. In the case of a comic qualifier, it is not necessary to specify the comic designation as part of the initial declaration, but such qualifier should be noted in any justification required of the player.

Equal Opportunity Statement

"But wait," you're thinking: "Isn't this game sexist? All your examples are men." Not so. The game also works perfectly for actresses, with no special modifications required. Dame Judi Dench, for example, is clearly a god character. Angelina Jolie is the devil. And Bea Arthur would make a great Wyatt Earp. So as you see, God, the Devil, and Wyatt Earp is an equal-opportunity game.

The Braff Conundrum

In our experience, there is only one actor or actress, past or present, who does not fit into any of the three categories. That actor: Zach Braff. Katie and I can't figure it out. So, dear readers, the gauntlet is now thrown. You tell us: what is Zach Braff? God, the devil, or Wyatt Earp? Prizes may be offered for the best answers. Please show your work for partial credit.

Happy morning

2007-08-13T09:09:00.001-04:00

The other morning, as I was getting ready for the day, I looked down and found my soap smiling back at me. There was even a little bubble for a nose. I could probably sell this particular bar for a lot of money on eBay, but it looks better in my soapdish (away from water, of course) and it still makes me laugh.

Ceci n'est pas une pipe

2007-08-10T11:30:00.000-04:00

When I lived in the city, I had a favorite bus. I used to see it ferrying folks around town on occasion and it always made me smile while I walked down the sidewalk. This bus was like all the others and so had two doors, one at the front and one on the side. But, it was this side door that set my bus apart from all the other city busses as it sported a bright white sign with black lettering which read: This Is Not A Door.

Just like Magritte, only somehow much better.

Fun with Anagrams

2007-08-09T19:21:00.000-04:00

Today, I received my first comment on a blog that I abandoned more than a year ago. In honor of this momentous occasion, I have decided to revive the idea of a blog and to repost that award-winning observation on our new blog. Hooray!

And here it is:

Today, I saw a creatively edited sign along the road. What had originally advertised a store featuring "framed art," now proclaimed the availability of "armed fart." Simple and perfect.

Will we get any new comments, perhaps even from that same lone reader of the original posting? Only YOU can prevent forest fires.